“I understand that your blogs are based on your experiences, but they all seem so negative. Aren’t there any good experiences you can write about? Where’s the balance?”
This is basically what a friend asked me after reading my blogs about relationships.
I told her that a lot of what I write about had been influenced by my experiences and observations – the ones that were the most notable, that is. And they weren’t all negative…some were neutral. *smile* I did, of course, have some positive experiences, but they weren’t exactly notable to the extent of being ‘bloggable’. Let’s just say that they were ‘alright’, but nothing special…not until recently.
I met a woman at a friend’s house. I could see that she was attractive, but it was actually something she said that peaked my interest. I don’t remember exactly what it was verbatim, but it let me know that she had a healthy perspective on relationships and family – which implied that she was likely a product of a stable home environment. This was something I learned to value in the opposite sex. So I started to listen to her talk as she chimed in during the rest of this discussion on relationships.
I ran into her again at a restaurant where a bunch of friends met for somebody’s birthday or something. It was cool. By the end, her and I exchanged phone numbers. At this point, I was comfortable with contacting her outside of hanging out with a lot of people. This is when all the text messaging started and a little personality began to show. She had a sense of humor and could carry on a joke for a while. She could also debate about the most trivial, lighthearted things just for fun and without catching an attitude – a huge plus. I liked this not only because she didn’t get indignant, but she ended up showing me that she was capable of thinking critically and on a deeper level…even about trivial matters.
Her communication skills shined during phone conversations. This was a big deal to me because I have lost quite a bit of tolerance with trying to communicate with individuals who either don’t listen, don’t really know what they’re talking about, talk so much that they don’t even keep track of what they’re saying themselves, or all the above. She even used the fundamental “seek first to understand, then be understood” technique during several discussions we had. I honestly can’t remember the last time I experienced something so simple during a conversation.
She asks all the right questions. There was something about her inquisition that let me know that she was more so concerned with who I was as a man…not about how many kids I had/wanted or my income potential. She wanted to know about my commitment to Christ, how I made decisions, and even if I operate on a double standard when it comes to my perception of women. She did care about whether or not I had a job, goals, and if I’d thought about where I’d be 5 or 10 years from now, but it wasn’t the foundation of her interest in who I was. She seemed to value character more than anything – and that was rare.
She knows a thing or two about Scripture. I’m more used to hearing people use the Bible out of context in order to support their sketchy opinions and such. I’m not a Bible scholar, but I’m familiar with it enough to notice when someone gets their theology from gospel radio, churchy catch phrases, or by actually studying their Bible. This one studies her Bible. I remember asking her opinion on a controversial topic in the Christian community. She delivered a multi-layered response with aptly placed Biblical references that not only showed me her maturity in several key areas, but that she knew a little about applying Scripture to one’s lifestyle. *pentecostal church organ riff*
Now…I try not to look too much, but when I do, it kind of feels like looking at a 2012 Porsche with a suspended driver’s license. Physically, there are similarities between her and this car. Both are small, athletic, have ridiculous curves, and look valuable without looking pretentious. Her hair is beautifully natural and she wears it like a crown. She hardly wears any makeup and her feet are in great shape. Her dress code leans much closer to “I respect myself” rather than “I want you to like me”, and she has a nice smile *understatement*.
They say you don’t really know someone until you’ve dated them. This is true. But until God gives me the ‘green light’ to seize this opportunity, I can only say that she is, at the very least, ‘bloggable’. She is the positive experience that so rarely happens. If she occurred more often, maybe I would’ve had more good experiences to write about….and perhaps then she wouldn’t have said that my blogs seemed so negative and out of balance.